People are a Strange Species!

After facilitating a series of partnerships sessions I come to one resounding conclusion:  People are a strange species!  No matter how committed individuals are to a common goal, if relationships are not sound, true collaboration likely will never happen.  

One of the problems I encounter with relative frequency is that people will air out their interpersonal issues in a group space rather than confronting these issues one-on-one in a private space.  I find myself constantly managing these types of conflicts in facilitation sessions.  I think this happens because people will hold onto pent up frustrations and feel more confident airing them out in a group space.  I'm convinced most people do not like dealing with conflict one-on-one or directly with the person contributing to their angst.  

So, how do you resolve these types of interpersonal issues in a group space?  Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this question.  One thing I try to do is set group norms at the beginning of the meeting.  I'll typically write:  "Confront issues, not people."  Dealing with issues and not the people contributing to them is a necessary step to mitigating conflict.  Once issues become personal, defense mechanisms kick in and the focus of the real issue becomes a moot point. 

A second strategy I use is to utilize meeting breaks to talk things out with individuals who are either unhappy with another individual or unhappy with the process.  People want the acknowledgement that their concerns are heard.  When appropriate, I try to set-up time offline where interpersonal conflicts can be worked out in a smaller, safer space.  Often times this little step can get our facilitation session back on track.  

These two strategies have worked for me in the past.  Now, do they always work?  Absolutely not.  People are a strange species.  Sometimes I walk away from facilitation thinking:  "I would much rather work with at-risk youth (I don't really like the term "at-risk") than at-risk adults!" In youth development work, adults tend to get in the way to real progress more than youth do. However, you need passionate, caring adults to be role models for our young people. 

Even though people--specifically adults--can be a strange species, simple facilitation strategies such as setting group norms and addressing concerns during breaks can help keep a session on track.  

Frank Mirabal is the Founder and President of Contigo Research, Policy & Strategy, a national consulting firm that focuses on issues impacting the Latino community.